Social Insecurity

2003-09-21T14:10:00.000Z

MY BLOG HAS MOVED, AND MIGHT ACTUALLY GET UPDATED NOW.

IF YOU ARE IN THE REMOTELY BIT INTERESTED CLICK HERE

2003-03-22T22:08:00.000Z

Yes, I'm back ....... and a big 'thank you' to all those who e-mailed me with messsages of support etc
Anyway, enough of feeling sorry for myself... i have some blogging to catch up on.

The assault on Iraq which began on Thursday is a war the British people do not want. Never before, at least since public opinion first became a serious political consideration, has this country gone to war with only a minority of the population in support.
Tony Blair's appeal for national support for the war effort has fallen on deaf ears.

Despite the government's efforts over the past few days to re-spin the attack on Iraq as if it were now supported by a new national consensus, the anti-war movement - unprecedented in its scope and representativeness - is clear: we cannot and will not support this war.

The logic is simple. If it is right to oppose a crime when it is being publicly contemplated, how much more important is it to do so when it is in the process of commission. It is not those who oppose the war who need to justify themselves, but those Labour MPs who assured their local parties as recently as last weekend that they would never support war without UN authority, only to do just that days later.

Ministers will, of course, play on the sympathy of many people for British troops. Yet the fact remains that they are not fighting in the interests of the British people, nor on behalf of any international community, but for a reactionary and dangerous US administration to which Tony Blair has subordinated our country.

The prime minister was, however, clearly right when he told the Commons this week that the conduct of this crisis will shape world politics for the next 20 years. For him, that apparently means a generation in which international affairs will be conducted on the basis of a disregard for law and UN authority, and an unconditional subordination to US imperial power.

That outlook is not shared by the other major powers, France, Russia, China and Germany among them. The great majority of the countries of the world appear no more ready to embrace the hegemony of the US today than they did that of the British empire a century ago.

The most sobering aspect of the great power split provoked by George Bush's unilateralism is the reminder that, in the past, neo-colonial conflicts like this one have often led to much larger wars. So now is the time to speak out, or risk becoming complicit in a repetition of some of the worst crimes of the 19th and 20th centuries.

Blair's responsibility for this crisis cannot be concealed by the week's big lie - that it is all the fault of the French. The prime minister did not get the second security council resolution which he so craved because the majority of the council opposed him and the US administration was not interested anyway.

It is far more likely that, had Britain adopted the firm position of France and Germany from the beginning, a peaceful solution to the crisis could have been found. Instead, he has given comfort to the wild men in charge in Washington throughout by denying them the total international isolation their policies warrant.

As it is, it is the prime minister himself who is isolated. His war is opposed by most of the people he was elected to represent, and denounced by virtually every expert on international law except the attorney general, as well as by almost every other country he would like to claim as a friend.

The course of events in the Gulf itself is unpredictable. Blair is banking on a sense of fatalism and powerlessness to immobilise the majority opposed to the aggression; but he knows he has no margin for error in either military or political events as they unfold. Beyond the coalition of Conservatives and the minority of Labour backbenchers supporting the invasion, public opinion is unlikely to tolerate either British military casualties or Iraqi civilian casualties on any significant scale, given that it was never convinced of the case for war in the first place.

It should have been possible to avoid the possibility of either. But Tony Blair has chosen loyalty to the US president over the people of this country.
©Andrew Murray

2003-01-26T19:36:00.000Z

Woke up nice and early this afternoon. Got dressed and went down the road to buy a newspaper and other essentials.
"Hello Rags" said Irfan at the newsagents as I offered him the money for the papers, "anything else?"
"Yes Irfan" I replied "How many Iraqi citizens were amongst the hijackers who flew the planes into the World Trade Centre?".
"Is this a trick question?" he asked.
"No"
"Well there were none Rags"
"Correct Irfan, well done" and i went over to the grocers.
"Hello Rags " said Ahmed "You're up early today, it's not three o'clock yet. What can i get you?"
"60 Embassy Filter please Ahmed"
"Oh, you cutting down then?"
"Trying to Ahmed, got a lot on my mind at the moment"
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that Rags, anything I can help with"
"Not really, mind you.. whilst I'm here.. how many Iraqi citizens were amongst the hijackers who flew the planes into the World Trade Centre?"
"Well that's easy Rags, there were none"
"That's right Ahmed" I said, and left the shop.

Or rather I TRIED to leave the shop. Just as I got to the doorway suddenly there was no doorway. In front of me stood Steve, in all his unshaven, unwashed, twenty stone, leather jacketed glory.
"Aaaah , er, urm, hello Rags" he stuttered.
"Alright Steve?" I said, "You got that twenty you owe me?"
"Er no Rags, I haven't, but I'll bring it round tomorrow night. I promise"
"Hmmm, well make sure you do , cos I've had to cut down to 60 fags a day until you pay me back. Tell you what Steve, whilst you're here ... how many Iraqi citizens were amongst the hijackers who flew the planes into the World Trade Centre?"
Steve looked at me quizically. His face lit up "If I get it right do you let me off the twenty?"
"No" I said, "If you get it right I let you off a thump for not paying me back on time"
"Well either way Rags, it's easy, there were none".
"That's right Steve", and I started the short walk back.

On my way home I saw Gladys in her front garden. Ninety years old, deaf as a post, stooped over her geraniums just about managing to lift the watering can as they stretched their necks to drink. I had to ask her the question twice, but she got it right too. Wise old bird is Gladys.

Mary was rushing off to church, kids in tow, all of a flurry of unorganisation as normal... but she took time to speak to me and got the question right too. Her 14 year old daughter also knew the correct answer, and was as proud a punch about it too. I decided not to ask Mary's 12 month old son, I thought it best that his first words be "mummy" or something.

Four more people at the bus stop knew and so did Ishmael across the way.

As i closed the front door behind me, I heard a familiar voice. It was Lard , the cooking fat.
"You took your time didn't you?. I see you've not bought any Felix again. Stuck with that old crap from Asda am I? Anyway I've invited a friend round so give us some space will you. I would have told you first but you don't matter"
"Hold on Lard" I shouted after him, "how many Iraqi citizens were amongst the hijackers who flew the planes into the World Trade Centre?"
"Does it matter?" he shouted back
"Yes, of course it matters" I retorted , reminding myself never to buy another cat with a PhD in "Being A Smartarse".
"Not to me it doesn't" he said and padded off to tease his friend in the glass jar.

So out of twelve people (two shopkeepers, one widow, four students, one unshaven hairy biker, one mother, one child, one doctor and one retarded, know-all smart alec cat ) asked only one didn't know, or to be more exact didn't care.

But I care, and it angers me that when a similiar poll was done across America 83% didn't know the right answer.
EIGHTY THREE PERCENT !!!!! .......
Are they dumb, stupid, retarded? No ! Despite being a nation that seems to spend half it's waking life sitting in front of TV getting fat on burgers and cookies, pretending it invented punk rock, some of what passes infront of those lifeless minds must sink in.
But it's not there !!
The media don't tell them the truth and they can't be arsed to go and find it for themselves.
A mushroom state... kept in the dark and fed bullshit.

More frightening answers at Washington Bureau.

2003-01-24T09:05:00.000Z

Twelve days I lay at the foot of the stairs.
"Eventually someone will find me I thought, a friend will worry about me and call the police, or social services, or more likely a debt collection agency. Surely someone somewhere will miss me?"

But nobody came.

I thought to myself "This was never my fate, this was never my world".
Surely somewhere, freedom awaits.

Beheading yourself has always greatly appealed to me as a glorious way to go, but i was worried it might be painful. Dr Livingstone wrote that Africans he encountered were aware that consciousness is not lost immediately. He recounts how they bent a springy sapling and tied cords from it under the ears of a man to be decapitated so that his last few moments of awareness would be of flying through the air. Thoughtful eh?

I suppose if i had known about the virtual whiteboard i could have left a note for the milkman or something. perhaps "Dear milkman, if you decide to decapitate me there is a spring sapling in the back garden I would prefer you to use".
Obviously this is based on the assumption that Mr Stabby isn't my milkman. Otherwise it will be me leaving the two pints on my doorstep.

Witch!
During my twelve day 'holiday' at the bottom of the stairs, as the newpapers built up around me, I noticed a new witch had been found to burn at the stake. I was going to tell you all about it mysef but Lubin of Trash Addict puts it better than I could.................

Hardly a week goes by without the papers reporting that a new witch has been found. I'm referring to paedophiles of course, who have taken the role of the new hate figure in the UK, a job that homosexuals held during the 1950s. The internet has made it easier than ever to find the new witches - who have all been giving their credit card details to look at child porn sites. I'd argue that morally it's wrong to fund any site that produces child pornography. But I don't know if looking at a child porn site definitely makes you a witch or not. Sometimes people are a bit thick and they look at things just to see what's there without thinking about the consequences. I think it's right that people who give their credit card details should be investigated. But I find the tabloids' obsession with the lurid details to be almost as sick as what the paedophiles actually do.

The latest witch (guilty until proven innocent, but ruined whatever the outcome), is Matthew Kelly. I've never liked Matthew Kelly very much, he's an anodyne, mumsy, ultra-mainstream tv presenter. But I don't like the way that the press are handling the allegations that have been made about him. The Sun's rather homophobic headline "Wish You Were Queer" makes the usual mistake of conflating homosexuality and paedophilia together - two insinuations that have yet to be proven about Mr Kelly in any case. The media builds up our celebrities, and then it delights in bringing them down, fuelling public opinion to the point where their lives are ruined, long before criminal investigations have ended, or in some cases, even begun.

I hate the UK tabloid press - it's a reactionary, scandal-obsessed, myopic harpy, excitedly twitching a pair of net curtains to spy on the world, and more often than not, getting it wrong. It's far too concerned with printing the latest storylines in the soap operas or whipping up a new moral panic than with reporting anything really important. Incidentally, if you want to complain about the Sun's headline, then go to the Press Complaints Commission. As far as I read it, it breaches section 13 of the PCC code of conduct:

13 Discrimination
i) The press must avoid prejudicial or pejorative reference to a person's race, colour, religion, sex or sexual orientation or to any physical or mental illness or disability.
ii) It must avoid publishing details of a person's race, colour, religion, sexual orientation, physical or mental illness or disability unless these are directly relevant to the story.
- Lubin Odana

Hey, him call us ignorant!
When Europeans make such criticisms, Americans assume we're envious. "They want what we've got," the thinking goes, "and if they can't get it, they're going to stop us from having it." But does everyone want what America has? Well, we like some of it but could do without the rest: among the highest rates of violent crime, economic inequality, functional illiteracy, incarceration and drug use in the developed world. President Bush recently declared that the U.S. was "the single surviving model of human progress." Maybe some Americans think this self-evident, but the rest of us see it as a clumsy arrogance born of ignorance.

Europeans tend to regard free national health services, unemployment benefits, social housing and so on as pretty good models of human progress. We think it's important — civilized, in fact — to help people who fall through society's cracks. This isn't just altruism, but an understanding that having too many losers in society hurts everyone. It's better for everybody to have a stake in society than to have a resentful underclass bent on wrecking things. To many Americans, this sounds like socialism, big government, the nanny state. But so what? The result is: Europe has less gun crime and homicide, less poverty and arguably a higher quality of life than the U.S., which makes a lot of us wonder why America doesn't want some of what we've got.
--Brian Eno, writing in Time Magazine

The Martin Luther King You Don't See On TV
It's become a TV ritual: Every year in mid-January, around the time of Martin Luther King's birthday, we get perfunctory network news reports about "the slain civil rights leader."
The remarkable thing about this annual review of King's life is that several years -- his last years -- are totally missing, as if flushed down a memory hole.
What TV viewers see is a closed loop of familiar file footage: King battling desegregation in Birmingham (1963); reciting his dream of racial harmony at the rally in Washington (1963); marching for voting rights in Selma, Alabama (1965); and finally, lying dead on the motel balcony in Memphis (1968).

An alert viewer might notice that the chronology jumps from 1965 to 1968. Yet King didn't take a sabbatical near the end of his life. In fact, he was speaking and organizing as diligently as ever.
Almost all of those speeches were filmed or taped. But they're not shown today on TV.

Why?
It's because national news media have never come to terms with what Martin Luther King Jr. stood for during his final years.
In the early 1960s, when King focused his challenge on legalized racial discrimination in the South, most major media were his allies. Network TV and national publications graphically showed the police dogs and bullwhips and cattle prods used against Southern blacks who sought the right to vote or to eat at a public lunch counter.
But after passage of civil rights acts in 1964 and 1965, King began challenging the nation's fundamental priorities. He maintained that civil rights laws were empty without "human rights" -- including economic rights. For people too poor to eat at a restaurant or afford a decent home, King said, anti-discrimination laws were hollow.

Noting that a majority of Americans below the poverty line were white, King developed a class perspective. He decried the huge income gaps between rich and poor, and called for "radical changes in the structure of our society" to redistribute wealth and power.
"True compassion," King declared, "is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring."
By 1967, King had also become the country's most prominent opponent of the Vietnam War, and a staunch critic of overall U.S. foreign policy, which he deemed militaristic. In his "Beyond Vietnam" speech delivered at New York's Riverside Church on April 4, 1967 -- a year to the day before he was murdered -- King called the United States "the greatest purveyor of violence in the world today."
From Vietnam to South Africa to Latin America, King said, the U.S. was "on the wrong side of a world revolution." King questioned "our alliance with the landed gentry of Latin America," and asked why the U.S. was suppressing revolutions "of the shirtless and barefoot people" in the Third World, instead of supporting them.
In foreign policy, King also offered an economic critique, complaining about "capitalists of the West investing huge sums of money in Asia, Africa and South America, only to take the profits out with no concern for the social betterment of the countries."
You haven't heard the "Beyond Vietnam" speech on network news retrospectives, but national media heard it loud and clear back in 1967 -- and loudly denounced it. Time magazine called it "demagogic slander that sounded like a script for Radio Hanoi." The Washington Post patronized that "King has diminished his usefulness to his cause, his country, his people."

In his last months, King was organizing the most militant project of his life: the Poor People's Campaign. He crisscrossed the country to assemble "a multiracial army of the poor" that would descend on Washington -- engaging in nonviolent civil disobedience at the Capitol, if need be -- until Congress enacted a poor people's bill of rights. Reader's Digest warned of an "insurrection."
King's economic bill of rights called for massive government jobs programs to rebuild America's cities. He saw a crying need to confront a Congress that had demonstrated its "hostility to the poor" -- appropriating "military funds with alacrity and generosity," but providing "poverty funds with miserliness."

How familiar that sounds today, more than a quarter-century after King's efforts on behalf of the poor people's mobilization were cut short by an assassin's bullet.
As 2002 gets underway, in this nation of immense wealth, the White House and Congress continue to accept the perpetuation of poverty. And so do most mass media. Perhaps it's no surprise that they tell us little about the last years of Martin Luther King's life
- Jeff Cohen and Norman Solomon

2003-01-12T13:30:00.000Z

Oooops , sorry. You know how it is sometimes when you're right in the middle of something and suddenly the doorbell rings.
So where were we? Oh yes, Einstein.
"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction" said Newton and Einstein agreed. So hopefully while my own Blog has been sat dormant you will have been thinking "I can do better than that fat tart Rags and his "so superior" cat, and have started your own Blogs. So if anyone questions why you have a Blog - just tell them "Cos Einstein and Newton told me to".
QED

Actually Einstein would have been quite chuffed this week. About 80 years after he claimed, against popular opinion,that gravity travels at the speed of light the scientific world has actually finally found a way to measure gravity. And guess what? Einstein was right. The crafty old sod eh?
So, Werner Heisenberg, you can stuff your quantum mechanics with its principle of indeterminacy 'cos Einstein and his dream of a grand unification of physical theory has come up trumps again.

Rags' heroes of the week this week were the train drivers in Motherwell who refused to move a freight train carrying ammunition believed to be destined for British forces being deployed in the Gulf.

More revolt at Microsoft too where Windows XP is so advanced now it seems to have taken on a life of it's own.

This cold weather is great for me. I organised a BBQ in the snow. No-one came of course, they never do, but this time it had nothing to do with not having anyone to invite. This time they all called off because of the cold weather.

There must be a lot of burgers and kebabs going spare in Moscow right now too. Russian news agencies report that thermometers plummeted to -37C in the Moscow suburbs overnight on Tuesday, while the Arctic port of Murmansk registered temperatures of -48C.
Russian television showed images of iced-up radiators and windows, with residents bundled in blankets to try to keep warm.
In the capital six people froze to death overnight and according to the Emergencies Ministry, almost 240 people, mostly homeless and elderly and often drunk, have frozen to death in Moscow since the beginning of winter.
Average winter temperatures for Moscow normally hover around -10C.
Moscow's meteorological bureau has forecast a rise in temperature for the city and surrounding area over the next few days but it warns that the bitter weather may return next week.

Whatever happens in the meantime, never fear, you are NOT alone.

2003-01-06T09:13:00.000Z

Finally finished arguing with the TV. Damned thing thinks it's right all the time; so smug! I shouted at it and called the man from Granada.. but they told me to pick on someone my own size. Cheek of it, it's me being picked on, not the TV. So spoke to the TV nicely instead. It never replied. Huh ... not such a big man now eh?......... not now I know where your wife and children live.

But if it was any clearer to me than it was to you the world wouldn't be half the world it isn't today. Not when these people think the Beast of Bodmin is really a black binliner floating on the breeze, and a dead horse is the brother of two short planks.

An easy mistake to make unless you'd got your eyes tested on-line.

Laters....... but in the meantime has anyone got an explanation for the flying dear?

2003-01-03T18:53:00.000Z

Been to work today? Unappreciated? Well what do you expect?
If working was going to be fun then you'd have to pay them to go there. Never mind, at least you'll probably enjoy The Consultant.

Hay Fever Hat

The all day tissue dispenser.
Having hay fever is bad enough, but running out of hankies turns misfortune to misery. So, don't run out! The Hay Fever Hat supports a large loo roll, enough to cope with heavy blowing and incessant sneezing from dawn till dusk.

I found this on Bluetitch's Daily Witterings. The beautiful and fragrant Bluetitch is a constant source of support for me. Not only has she shown me love when many others had turned me away but now she has a blog and is providing me with smiles too.

Long may she reign.

2003-01-02T02:52:00.000Z

Saw lots of orange everywhere today. Which just goes to show how important it is to patent anything you invent. The thief pixies move fast though - it seems to be all over the place. My cat says this is called synchronicity except my cat can't speak which is strange since people aways tell me he has my tongue. So he wrote it down for me. Microsoft Wordpad of course , i don't allow him sharp objects like pens this week.
"Welcome back" to some since rumour has it that those who choose to work have gone back today. Home you all got home safely. You should watch out for those subliminal messages. They can be deep and sticky.

========== HAPPY WAR (XMAS IS OVER) ==========
So this is War
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is War
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

And so this is War
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong
And so Happy War
For black and for white
For yellow and red ones
Let's stop all the fight

Finally, some people will mail me about this. They shouldn't, 'cos I have no idea how it works either. So i won't mail them back. And if it just appears as a black empty hole then you need to download Macromedia Flash Thingy. Actually it ironically seamlessly ties in with the end of one year and the start of the next. Or maybe not.

Laters......... Rags

2002-12-31T16:46:00.000Z

Two thousand and two years ago this very night, nothing came to an end. Nothing new began. The sun rose the next day and knew no difference. People were born the same as normal, and people died, the same as normal. Suffering continues unabated (mine mostly) and the world is still as messed up as ever. What a damned stupid thing New Year's Eve was then, is now, will be next year and every other year ad infinitum.
Never mind eh? At least the Geeks are on the march............

====== WORLD PREMIERE ======
Catch it now before the BBC rob it or you get sent it 20 times a day in your e-mail
.................................................We Are Geeks

Been busy inventing the colour orange today. I have big hopes for it. If it makes me rich I'll be the first to mail you from The Bahamas.
Unfortunately the man who dances in his underpants will never be rich - but i almost laughed , almost.

I'm surprised that The Guiness Book of World Records Website is free to join. How is Roy Castle's family going to take a cut of that then? I've spoken about my disgust at passive smoking on here before. That Roy Castle was one of the worst ... not only did he get to smoke your fags for free but charged you for letting him do it too. Never has a man who blew his own trumpet for a living blown it so long, so labouriously and so publicly.

For a man so suredly going to disappear without trace quicker than Blair can get his tongue down Bush's throat, Ali G almost actually achieved eternal fame the other day. The two blokes in the next hotel room shot themselves as part of a glorious suicide pact. One of the bullets flew through the wall into Mr G's (remember his brother Cecil G ?) room. According to the report The Gold Laméd One slept through the whole sorry, messy, tragic episode. A bit like the people who went to see his film then - who also felt as if they'd lost the will to live.

2002-12-29T23:49:00.000Z

Prince Charles thinks it would be a good idea if we all 'bought British' produce and food. If all Government departments were made to exclusively 'buy British'.
This is the same Prince Charles who has just ordered 4 Audis at a total cost of £100,000?
The same Prince Charles who is happy to bleet for his millionaire farmer mates, but didn't utter a word when hundreds of thousands of miners lost their jobs because the government deliberately encouraged firms to order cheap imported coal?
Prince Charles who every day conveniently doesn't speak out against the heart of our steel and aluminium industries being ripped out?
He is a supporter, and indeed a practitioner, of hunting foxes with hounds and he has encouraged his sons to do likewise yet at the same time he is also an eloquent exponent of the ethical, indeed spiritual, view of the living world. He insists that nature is not merely for our use but, overridingly, is for our ethically motivated and reverential participation.
His Royal Absurdness's exclusion of the fox from the scope of his reverence for 'creation' seems to be somewhat bizarre.
The man is a hypocrite!

2002-12-29T00:43:00.000Z

Do you have cats? Or one cat?
I have a cat.
I have a cat who thinks it's funny when i pop out to log onto my computer, upload a rude pic and pretend that my hard disk is full of the stuff.
A damned stupid cat he now admits.
A damned stupid cat who should know his place and not pretend to be smart, funny or cute.
So i've changed his logon code and am refusing to speak to him for a week.
This is my cat..........

" 'ello it's Lard here - Rags' cooking fat. While the fat man's away i'll show you what his PC is REALLY full of. That'll teach him to buy me cheap Asda cat food instead of Felix "

Created my own language today. Practiced in the mirror to make sure I had it perfected. When the aliens arrive I can now converse with them in their own tongue. Then I can be President of the Planet Earth.
Looks good on a resume, methinks, even though jobs are beneath me. Working is for other people......... but not for journalists obviously.

The current Time magazine offers this from a Dec. 17-18 Time/CNN poll:

In general, do you approve or disapprove of the way President Bush is handling his job as President?

Approve -- 55%
Disapprove -- 37%

That’s the lowest approval rating, and the highest disapproval, for Dubya in the Time/CNN poll since 9/11.
His approval has sunk 9 points from just one month ago -- a stunning drop considering he’s coming off of a big election victory.
But amazingly, no other media outlet has picked up on the poll.
No wire story. No newspapers. No analysis. No pundits pontificating. Nothing.
Not even Time or CNN offers a link to it on their respective web sites. You need to get the print version of Time.

HOWEVER...... here is a copy of the poll results.

Funny how there's money for war, money for weapons, money for Israel, money to bribe Iraqis, money to bribe Turkey, but no money for out-of-work American taxpayers who pay for it all in the first place.

Even though my day of being God is over I drove my Volkswagon Turtle over to see the Vicar and make sure he'd slung his hook. Bugger has only gone and bought himself an inflatable church so he can hold his services anywhere he likes now!
Mind you, there are plenty of empty and forgotten churches in London he could have applied to. He's probably too busy playing nun hangman or making pinhole cameras out of old Pringles tubes to care.

I could only think of 103 things to do with a banana so thankfully this site exists. Most of it will probably end up on the Bad Fads page one day though.

If anyone doubts the beauty of the internet and how it can bring innovation and art to those, like me, who live in a cultural vaccuum they should check out these 3 sites :-

http://www.banksy.co.uk/ for anti-establishment art.

http://www.trevorvanmeter.com/flyguy/ for Trevor van Meters beautiful flying man

http://zefrank.com/lp1/ for a letter art extravaganza.

2002-12-28T12:48:00.000Z

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!
I know! I know! You didn't think I had one, did you? Well I do. In fact I have many birthdays each year. As many as I want ! I'm now 2,390 in Me Years, and I don't feel a day over 2,389. Need a virgin for the sacrifice tonight...but where to find one...maybe the supermarket? Frozen foods? Pouted for a long while...I demanded the dog tell me where one was but no answers. Bastard.
Rags says : "Dogs are the Devil's work"

Yesterday I declared myself God. Well i thought the last geezer had been at it long enough and might appreciate the break. So i went to the local church and asked the vicar for all the collection money i was owed, backdated to 1961. He said he had given it all away to 'the poor'. Which was a lie because i haven't seen a penny of it.
I wished him Merry Xmas as his size 10 showed me the door. "It's Christmas not Xmas" he shouted after me. What does he know though? He is only a vicar and i am, after all, God.

In fact, the idea of using ‘X’ in place of Christ is not a modern idea. In the Roman Alphabet, the first letter of the word ‘Christ’ is ‘chi’ which is represented by a symbol similar to the letter ‘X’. Frequently people also Xian, which means Christian, using the same principle. Here's some proof.

'People who believe in a better way of life know that the way we live now is criminal. Denial of freedoms, death by starvation and exploitation, denigration of people’s capabilities everywhere. If you see that these outcomes are socially produced, then you understand that every person who dies as a result was effectively murdered. Once you accept the possibility of attaining a humanist alternative, you have to be a terrible hypocrite, coward or cynic to live passively with the contrast beteween what is and what could be.' - Chomsky

At least journalists are grouping together to tell the truth this coming year. The biggest truth they are telling?.........er............. we tell lies.

Rags says : "Life is just a bowl of toenails" ............. or in this case a box of them.

Some things, well most things actually, confuse me. It doesn't help when i don't understand them either. I don't understand this incredible lifetimes work to create a DOS version of Star Wars. There is no link ........... just go to your 'start menu', click on 'run', enter " telnet blinkenlights.nl " and click 'OK'. Just sit back and watch the show. Going for a lie down now and some Ribena.

2002-12-25T00:57:00.000Z

HO HO HO HO

Hands up who saw this one coming ?
Cleverly hidden away underneath all the happy Christmas feelgood stories is this little gem.

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Prime Minister Ariel Sharon said on Tuesday that Israel suspected Iraq has been transferring chemical and biological weapons to Israel's arch-foe Syria to hide them from U.N. inspectors.

So guess where 'our boys' will be heading for their Easter holidays after spending February sunning themselves on Iraq's beaches ?

Those not playing Extreme Snow Sledding or listening to the Irn-Bru version of Xmas classics are probably left worrying about whether they have bought their mum the right present for Xmas.

I think almost everyone out there apart from myself has a mum or at least had one at sometime. After all, pregnancy is the cause of nearly 100% of childirths these days - with the exception of Dave Lee Travis who is simply the spawn of Satan..... (more about DLT next year when my restraining order runs out).
But having a mother is still no excuse for spending money on them at Xmas time. Get them any old shit ! They'll still love you whether it's the giblets you've just removed from the turkey or some expensive poncey sounding perfume.
Remember when you used to come home from school and proudly present her with a load of wax crayon scribble on some tatty bit of paper which she then stuck prominently on the kitchen wall for all to see? Well mums don't change - do the same again ..... you know you'll get away with it. Just get some adult to write underneath "Jack's mum" and she'll be thrusting it in the hand of the first neighbour who turns up to scrounge drinks on Xmas day, proudly declaring "His teachers say he has an IQ of other children twice his age".

Besides, she's still coming to terms with the fact that she stole you from the maternity ward at the local hospital when no-one was looking ...... or hasn't she told you that bit yet?

For those who have loved ones to share Xmas day with , then i pity you poor bastards. Come 6.00pm you'll be jealous of me sitting alone here gazing in awe at Top of The Crops 2002.

Anyway, living in a box is fun. At least i have a chair for company.

Good luck, have a good day and remember

UNCLE SAM IS NOT YOUR FRIEND !!

PS ...... No, my mum doesn't have access to the internet.

2002-12-23T10:13:00.000Z

JOE STRUMMER............... 1952 - 2002 ......... R.I.P.

Yankee dollar talk
To the dictators of the world
In fact it's giving orders
An' they can't afford to miss a word

I'm so bored with the U...S...A...
But what can I do?

Joe Strummer was there for me when i was growing up. For me he helped shoulder a burden and articulate an anger, and i'll miss him.

I was halfway through writing my own tribute, searching for the right words, trying vainly to convey how I felt back in the late 70s. Then I read what Fat Buddha had posted on his site and immediately deleted everything i had written. Myself and Fat Buddha (Pete) grew up at the same time in Birmingham, shared similiar backgrounds, went to the same clubs, saw the same bands , drew on the same influences, and to one extent or another those years shaped and formulated the people we are today.
Pete's words articulate my feelings better than I could EVER hope to express them myself, adding colour to, what are for me, hazy memories. The details get lost in the passage of time, but you remember the feelings, and his piece brought a small tear to my eye.
Thanks Pete, I know it's been a hard day for you today, but i take my hat off to you.
Fat Buddha......... I salute you, Sir.

Over to Pete..................................................................

I shall attempt some thoughts on the death of Strummer, but it's hard. This will be like a tiresome personal journal for a few paragraphs, feel free to mock.
First off this is a very bad fucking day. Trying to articulate what I feel is impossible, which is where the genius of the likes of Strummer is seen. I don't believe he was a fantastic lyricist, but he was able, in 3 minutes to articulate the rage, frustration and impotence of a generation. I still feel all those things all these years later, and it still hasn't been expressed better than in any Clash song you care to mention. Today I sit here still inarticulate, struggling to find words that have any meaning in the context. He was a true hero, not quite the one man from the era you can say passed the ensuing years with dignity (the rest of the clash have too), but the one with the biggest profile. I can't see that he would have ever turned into a pantomime dame.

Way back, when we had the excuse of youth for not knowing any better, he allowed those of us who were just, well, po faced adolescents with chips on our shoulders really, to really get into something joyous. Whatever else the Clash were they were first and foremost a glorious racket. A motivated and committed racket, who knew their history and engaged with it. Who brought dub reggae to the masses. Being in Brum I was well aware of dub, but the Clash sort of enabled me to be upfront about my love for it, and also introduced me to more. If nothing else I am grateful for that.

The whole punk thing has become shrouded in mythology but it was quite simple really. We had prog rock which was becoming more and more absurd. We had west coast ego wank rock which was just tiresome, whatever the revisionists now say. We had reggae of course but that was a bit underground. We had disco, which as I recall was despised, but seems to have undergone a renaissance. We had Ferry and Bowie, who even then had their best years behind them. We had Northern Soul which was, well, northern. We had bubblegum pop, and we had sort of anodyne but classy pop like 10 cc and Peter Framton. Then were the old warhorses like Dylan and similar bards like Don Maclean. All very eclectic but not much there to stir the soul or the passions.

Then came pub rock which was an improvement of a kind in that there were was authenticity there, but not much. Then along came bands like Eddie and the Hot Rods and Doctor Feelgood. Now, you will read stuff in the style mags and the Sunday papers that will tell you that at the same time this masive underground thing emerged, the yank bands like the New York Dolls, just blowing everything apart, but it's all cobblers really. Most people were blissfully unaware of Johnny Thunders, but people became aware of that ilk later and placed a far greater importance on them than existed. The driving force of British punk was the latter day pub rock of Feelgood and the Hot Rods, I am convinced. Fast, furious Rythm and Blues, fuelled by speed. Glorious.

Whatever, all around and about the same time, it all becomes a blur, things started to happen. I well recall legging it to the newsagents early every Thursday to make sure I got my copy of NME. Adverts, big ones, started appearing for the Sex Pistols, in London pubs. Prominence was being given to the likes of Ian Dury; west coast rock started to take an almighty slagging. And all the while I felt peculiar, disconnected from any of it. The Rythm and Blues boys were all right, but cockneys, and in any case good live rather than anything else.

I have posted before I think, what a strange year 1976 was. The range of music that was on offer was astonishing, I saw all sorts, absolutely all sorts, all in small venues. Oddest of all though I went to see T Rex. I had never liked them but me and a few other guys were operating on a sort of quid pro quo system whereby we would accompany one another to gigs that at least one of us would hate. Plus we were just growing out of the schoolboy rivalry thing so we were willing to give pretty much anything a try in the interestsof camaraderie and comradeship. That night the support act was the Damned, and I have to say it was some night.

Soon after, I was in Barbarellas on a Saturday night for no other reason than I was too precious to go to a disco. Sassafras were on, an awful bunch of Welsh noise makers. We trotted downstairs. There were about 50 punks down there and then Eater came on, and it all ended in a fight. I have to say Eater wrere very far from being in the top rank of punk bands but it sealed ir for me. That night I became a chuffin punk. Those guys just didn't give a shit.

Which was a bit of a problem with punk. The top bands would be top bands in any era, punk had nothing to do with it. So we can break it down a bit. Once it all kicked off, which it didn't very much to be honest, not in Brum anyway, we had major bands, all with their own distinct attitudes.

I have always regarded the Pistols as cartoonish and have never been able to take them seriously, although I thought Lydon as a character was brilliant and super intelligent. Now he is a caricature of himself. Some great riffs on their first album, pity they are played by Chris Spedding. The Damned, well bugger, why did I use cartoonish so soon. The Stranglers I love, but they are/were a bunch of disaffected old geezers taking it out on their instruments. The Jam came along much later and were just a bunch of cunts.

Hedonism and nihilism was the order of the day. Loads of working class chancers having a go and some middle class brats roughing it for a bit. In truth most of it was no more radical than Gary Glitters "Rock n Roll"

So although I was drawn to it, I still felt sort of other. Neither fish nor fowl.

The Clash saved me. To be honest although I loved White Riot and Clash City Rockers and Deny they had largely passed me by in the general maelstrom. My favourite track of the era is "This is Pop" by XTC having strolled into Barbs one night and heard a dub version of it banging out, very loud, very gut pumelling. The same thing happened another night. I was only ever a half hearted punk really, not wanting to get my head kicked in and would talk people into going to Barbs in the early days, promising them punk girls would shag anyone (sadly untrue). Walked in and White Man was booming out. My life changed right there.

This was Paulian. This record spoke to me and it had and still has everything anyone could ever want in a single. The best record ever, quite simple.

So I went back and reappraised everything else they had done.

Of course beneath the general din they had been profound all along. Remember the context. Ill educated working class youth, wanting to rebel but not knowing how, hating most music he hears, wakes up and it doesn't matter. Strummer is saying it all. He's saying it with wit, passion and intelligence. Fire was burning. All my petty insecurity, all my rage against racism and injustice and privilege; all my wasted innate intelligence: there it was: being bellowed out unashamed and loud. Finally someone was speaking for me. I wish he could speak for me now. God bless the dude. As it were.
Written by Fat Buddha......... The Idle Thoughts Of Fat Buddha

2002-12-23T00:35:00.000Z

Apologies, and thanks for bearing with me.
Remember, it's always midnight somewhere.

By the way, if you enjoy these ramblings you can give me a good rating on Bloghop.com by pressing here

"One of the more unpleasant aspects of a state of war under modern conditions is the appearance of a swarm of individuals, too clever by half, in positions of authority. Excited, conceited, prepared to lie, distort, and generally humbug people into states of acquiescence, resistance, indignation, vindictiveness, doubt, and mental confusion, states of mind supposed to be conducive to a final military victory. These people love to twist and censor facts. It gives them a feeling of power; if they cannot create, they can at least prevent and conceal. Particularly, they poke themselves between us and the people with whom we are at war, to distort any possible reconciliation. They sit, filled with the wine of their transitory powers, aloof from the fatigues and dangers of conflict, pulling imaginary strings in people’s minds."

H.G. Wells, "The New World Order" Chapter 2 – Open Conference, 1940

The first people who should know their place is obviously the media. This article hasn't been picked up by any of the TV news or newspapers here in the UK. Just for once I hope the story is false.................

The United States edited out more than 8000 crucial pages of Iraq's 11,800-page dossier on weapons, before passing on a sanitised version to the 10 non-permanent members of the United Nations security council.
A UN source in New York said: 'The questions being asked are valid. What did the US take out? And if weapons inspectors are supposed to be checking against the dossier's content, how can any future claim be verified. In effect the US is saying trust us, and there are many who just will not.'
Current and former UN diplomats are said to be livid at what some have called the 'theft' of the Iraqi document by the US. Hans von Sponeck, the former assistant general secretary of the UN and the UN's humanitarian co- ordinator in Iraq until 2000, said: 'This is an outrageous attempt by the US to mislead.' Full story as it appeared in The Sunday Herald

Of course an easier way to deal with dissent is to simply lock the buggers up. If any of your Xmas cards to friends in America are returned unopened then perhaps they've simply changed their address or moved. Try the county jail next time. What next? Gas chambers? Depends on whether you can afford them I suppose.

As if we needed more reasons to loath America, here's a classic case of capitalism gone mad!
Dick Cheney, the US vice-president, last night blocked a global deal to provide cheap drugs to poor countries, following intense lobbying of the White House by America's pharmaceutical giants.
Faced with furious opposition from all the other 140 members of the World Trade Organisation, the US refused to relax global patent laws which keep the price of drugs beyond reach of most developing countries.
Talks at the WTO's Geneva headquarters collapsed last night after the White House ruled out a deal which would have permitted a full range of life-saving drugs to be imported into Africa, Asia and Latin America at cut-price costs.
"The United States has announced it cannot join the consensus," the Brazilian negotiator, Antonio de Aguiar Patriota, said.
Sources in Geneva said last night that the negotiating strategy had come straight from the White House, with Mr Cheney seizing the reins from America's trade negotiator, Robert Zoellick.
Merry Christmas Dick, I hope you choke on your turkey!

To keep up to date with America's program of disinformation keep a check on http://codshit.blogspot.com

Some people just deserve a slap. Other are positively inviting you to slap them. (Press the '*' for great rhythms, or make your own)

Talking of 'slapheads' , here's a growing collection of 'Bobby Charltons' from around Britain.

Cliff Richard is another who deserves a slap, or several following exclusive news that the Christian festival of Christmas is to be renamed 'Cliffmass'

The move comes after years of campaigning by popstar Sir Cliff Richard.
"That Jesus can go shove it up his arse", Cliff told reporters.
"I’ve had 3 Christmas numbers 1's which I think makes me just a little bit more important than some tit who claimed to be the son of God", he added.

At least Sir Cliff is more honest than Whitney Houston

Though Whitney might be interested to know that James Borland and Pinky have been helping themselves to her stash.

SOME THINGS OF BEAUTY

Thanks for coming back anyway, and here's some links to things of true beauty to help you leave the world and it's poisoned mind behind for a minute or two.

Create your own online Kaleidoscope

A study of 3-dimensional graffiti

A Life Amongst Garbage is truely moving.

Thanks to Fat Buddha for this interactive adventure that teaches children that things are not always quite what they seem.

Normal service will be resumed tonight, but first i have to go and buy toys for all the children in our neighbourhood.

laters............

2002-12-20T22:14:00.000Z

Not yet,.................. tomorrow.

2002-12-18T04:09:00.000Z

I was just imagining six people who were happy, who had achieved something in their lives, were good looking, financially secure, content and spiritually enlightened. Then I imagined them all in the same car driving off the edge of a cliff and I could almost hear their tortured screams as they were burned alive agonisingly in the twisted wreckage. I almost felt that life couldn't get much better than this when I heard about Paul Kelleher again.

There may yet be hope for the civilised world.

Paul Kelleher was on trial this week for beheading a statue of Margaret bin Thatcher.
Paul never denied it was he who committed the act on July 3rd, explaining to the court he felt her image "represented the ills of the world's political system". Honest to the end he held his hands up and admitted walking up to the 8ft-high Italian marble figure on display at London's Guildhall Library with a cricket bat and trying several times to smash the head off the statue. When this failed he picked up the metal pole that was supporting the ropes to stop people getting too close. Two swipes later and the head lay on the floor.
So what punishment would he receive?

Unbelievably the theatre producer is facing a retrial after a jury failed to decide whether he had a "lawful excuse" for decapitating the £150,000 statue. This was despite the judge telling jurors that the only lawful excuse for damaging property was when someone needed to protect their own property.
The father-of-one explained his defence involved his "artistic expression and my right to interact with this broken world" and the jury of eight men and four women trying the case at London's Southwark Crown Court were unable to reach a verdict, even after being given a majority direction, and was discharged by Mr Justice Aikens following three hours and 46 minutes of deliberations.
The judge told Kelleher, of Loring Road, Isleworth, West London, his new trial would be heard on January 22.

Fantastic, ....!!!!!! ......... more later.

2002-12-17T23:42:00.000Z

I relinquish the ownership of my immortal soul into the keeping of Satan, the Master of Evil Demons, Commander of all ungodly forces and unclean spirits, inventor of the sin, eater of souls, and chief torturer of all dead heathens and damned christians. I furthermore give to him and his subservient creatures the rights and privileges and freedoms entitled to me by the creator of the universe, whose name I flout. I understand fully that I will live as a creature of sin and an artist of villainy and corruption in this world, and become a slave of evil in the next; property of the diabolic in both. I shall spurn and debase all things worthy and pure, and I shall make ruin my cause and calling.
Sell your soul to Satan, online, NOW.

If You're Happy And You Know It Bomb Iraq
by John Robbins

If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are Saudi,
And your alibi is shoddy,
And your tastes remain quite gaudy,
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think that SUVs,
Are the best thing since sliced cheese,
And your father you must please,
Bomb Iraq.

If the globe is quickly warming, bomb Iraq.
If the poor will soon be storming, bomb Iraq.
We assert that might makes right,
Burning oil is a delight,
For the empire we will fight,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think that someone's dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

If corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain’t easy,
And your manhood’s getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might now knows no borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We’ll call it treason,
It's the make war not love season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

I unashamedly stole this from The Idle Thoughts Of Fat Buddha.
Top bloke, top blog.

2002-12-17T00:15:00.000Z

Are you filled with self-loathing and paranoia? Is your life one long silent scream of rage and resentment? Do you feel as though every day hideous ego-mutilations and psychic amputations are being performed upon you?
Do you have dreams in which your mouth is sewn up and your limbs and organs are removed one by one until all that's left of you are your pain-filled eyes staring in horror at what has been done to you and mutely framing the question 'Why?'.
Do you scurry furtively along streets like a hunted animal, your guts knotted with fear, hated by everyone, chased by mocking laughter? Do you believe that the world is the plaything of bastards, thieves, whores and murderers and that you were born to be their victim always and forever? I do !

But never fear, The All Singing, All Dancing, Visual Rolf Harris Jukebox will cheer you up. Pure brilliance!

At least if I get invited to any Xmas parties this yuletide i won't get out hustled by ~~any of my friends~~ anyone. Not unless The Three Wise Suicide Bombers are still trying to track down the baby Jesus that is.

Instead of dreaming of setting myself alight in front of a large crowd i have a feeling that my usual pleasant dreams might be replaced tonight with thoughts of removing Margaret bin Thatcher's head. Oh bliss !! Nice one Paul did you win a competition to be able to do this?

2002-12-16T23:48:00.000Z

Now whereabouts on the axis of evil can we be? The country's long-reigning leader thinks the president of the US is contemptible. The leader's official spokeswoman directly insulted Bush. Hmmmmmmmmm ..must be Canada.

2002-12-16T23:10:00.000Z

VENEZUELANS DONE UP LIKE A KIPPER

Venezuela is the world's fifth-largest oil exporter.
I'll just say that again shall i?
Venezuela is the world's fifth-largest oil exporter. This is something that you should bear in mind over the next couple of weeks.

Uruguayan congressman Jose Bayardi says he has information that far-reaching plans have been put into operation by the CIA and other North American intelligence agencies to overthrow Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez Frias within the next 72 hours.
Bayardi says he has received copies of top-secret communications between the Bush administration in Washington and the government of Uruguay requesting the latter's cooperation to support white collar executives and trade union activists "to break down levels of intransigence within the Chavez Frias administration."
Will the CIA plot succeed? One hopes not. There is some hope on this one. They've failed before ...several times.

The problem is that Venezuelan television and major newspapers have been hiding the true fact that there are huge popular uprisings in support of the Chavez Frias government. Now that Venezuelans are beginning to understand that they have been duped by the anti-government media, they are demanding that these information channels should begin to tell the truth.
For more than a year the Venezuelan media has substituted the opposition political parties, fabricating an absolute matrix of opinion against the democratic government of President Chávez. The Venezuelan people have warned that what is in play in Venezuela is the future of the majorities in a mediated democracy. There are few words to describe what is happening: a people, determined to defend its democracy and its constitution against those who, last April, promoted, participated in and approved of a coup d’etat. Since the return to power by the president they have not stopped conspiring, as they demonstrated on Friday, December 6th with their broadcast of a fake video (that was meant to link an assassin with the government).
The Venezuelan People, once again, are showing a lesson to the entire world, defending their democracy from the US who are greedy for their oil

Chavez must have been a cat in his previous incarnation, I've never seen anything like it before in my life. Coup, counter coup, attempted coup all met with millions of ordinary Venezuelans who want their President to stay. Is this a template for the rest of us? Chavez has a very progressive constitution aimed at redistributing wealth away from the rich fat capitalists and turning it over to the poor so they can use it to feed themselves. Yes he's unpopular with some, but only with those who are the ones with something to lose!
This is a classic case of media-manipulation of the general population; if you get your news off the Beeb or any other "reputable" news source you'll know that Chavez is a neo-communist dictator who is highly unpopular with his people - it's the biggest load of bullshitt I've ever heard in my life!
So where does all this leave us?
Bush has lost the innitiative in Venezuela. The people of Venezuela have refused to bow down to the Americans. Venezuela is a major US oil supplier but might not be for much longer. It all makes a war on Iraq much more likely.

(Thanks go to codshit.com for additional information)

2002-12-15T01:45:00.000Z

SOUTH KOREANS TURN ON THE U.S.

There has been little coverage in the UK media of the current contempt of the South Korean people towards the U.S.
About 100,000 South Koreans rallied today in the capital Seoul in protest over the deaths of two teenage girls killed by US servicemen in a road accident. Several thousand riot police prevented the protesters from marching on the US embassy in what was the largest demonstration since the two soldiers, whose armoured vehicle hit the girls, were acquitted of negligent homicide by a US military court last month.
Protesters want the soldiers retried in a South Korean court and are demanding changes in an agreement that governs the rights and conduct of about 37,000 US troops in the country.
Carrying candles in mourning, demonstrators cheered and applauded when speakers demanded more South Korean jurisdiction over US troops. There were also angry words for President Kim Dae-jung, who was called a "US puppet" and large US flags were held aloft by the crowd and torn apart.
In other protests today students in the city of Daegu, 320 kilometres (200 miles) south-east of Seoul, broke into a US military base and climbed on to a 30 metre (100ft) water tank.
In November activists hurled firebombs into a Camp Gray, a US military base in south-western Seoul and students attacked American troops at the Yongsan Base.

Shim Mi-sun and Shin Hyo-son, 14, were walking to a friend's birthday party on 13 June when they were mowed down by the US vehicle, which was taking part in a training exercise on the outskirts of Seoul.
The Status of Forces Agreement (Sofa) requires that American soldiers charged with crimes while on duty in South Korea be tried in US military tribunals. The South Korean government had asked for jurisdiction in the case of Sergeant Mark Walker and Sergeant Fernando Nino, but the US refused.
South Korea's ruling Millennium Democratic Party has condemned the acquittals calling the court case 'a sham'. "We cannot accept this fraudulent verdict, which is unimaginable in any law-abiding country," said spokeswoman Lee Mi-kyung, describing the decision as an "outrage to heaven and earth".

2002-12-14T15:20:00.000Z

Woke up feeling normal today. Misery is misery, everything else is everything else.
Re-date.com tells me i have managed to waste away 363,411 hours since i was born. If I continue this way until Tuesday, 29 April 2003 that will be 22,000,000 minutes. Oh what joy. If i was any more weak I'd be a fortnight.

As well as feeding the American public regular bullshit it seems Bush now wants to irradiate it too and serve it in their schools. Mind you that's generous of Bush considering how many Americans are getting nothing for Xmas. These disgusting policies are similiar to what we saw in the UK under the dictatorship of Margaret bin Thatcher. Does no-one ever learn anything from other people's mistakes?
Perhaps Bush and Blair will invite them to take part in their new game show.

At least the German who advertised for a young, well-built men aged 18 to 30 to slaughter got his food fresh. Not that telling the truth did him much good.
Neither did telling the truth help a musician in Tokyo who believes 'Life is a fart' and decided to share it with others. Life may not 'be a fart' , but this little dot is.

Demons live in my head, but the beautiful and fragrant Bluetitch has tunes stuck in hers. At last scientists have worked out why. All that humming must be driving The Reverend mad if he's still painting her house. Though it probably troubles him less than this simple,confusing and thought provoking game would.

Some things, occasionally, ........... very occasionally are worth the wait.In praise of perverts takes a while to download but proves that a lack of graphic ability doesn't stop you being entertaining.

2002-12-13T21:31:00.000Z

Who stole Thursday? Though most of it was spent on the bus to the United Nations. They do a cheap daysaver from the end of our road so it wasn't any real problem. Except i didn't pack enough sandwiches and got hungry before we even got to Dover. But lonely people don't get hungry they just lie there until someone misses them. In the same way that angry people don't get smart they get odd, and the guilty don't get caught they just get away with it.

Like many round here the person i turn to for spiritual guidance in times of self doubt is The Reverend Hugh Mungus. I don't know how much time he has spent on his 'mobile to God' this week but he has started posting gif's of Nazi Snowmen and suddenly seems to have taken over the writing of the Bluetitch Alternative Friday Five in return for doing Bluetitch's house decorating. Most worrying is his desire to kill his boss. 'Worrying' in the sense that he might not go through with it.

Mind you, based on what happened in Bellbrook those nice FBI folk might be round soon to discuss Hugh's particular brand of religion with him. Whilst there they might want to present Hugh with his award for second best snowman of the week. The winner being blogger extraordinaire Fat Buddha (also known as 'top bloke'), whose entry might not goosestep, but it comes from the most unlikiest of sources

nevermind eh? I'm sure normal service will be resumed tomorrow.

2002-12-11T20:19:00.000Z

Strange goings on down Ragamuffin Row this afternoon.
I was just getting the milk in when up sidled this bloke with an American accent.
"Are you Smoking Gun?" he said
"No, I'm smoking Benson and Hedges" I said
"That's close enough " he said
"We have a job for you" he said
"What's that?" i said
"Deliver this to the United Nations" he said
"And don't look at it" he said
"And shall i take the pig to market" i said
"Money speaks in many languages "he said
He was gone.

Well what's the point of asking me NOT to look at something eh? Means nothing to me though, anyone have a clue?

Dear George,

We ~~do not~~ want war. You should ~~not~~ fear our country as we have ~~absolutely no~~ weapons of mass destruction. Bombing our country would be totally unjustified. Bring ~~some beers round and let's discuss~~ it ~~whilst watching WWF~~ on ~~telly~~

Yours faithfully, Saddam

2002-12-10T19:02:00.000Z

Here we are then , one more day over, one day closer to death. 'The end , the end, oh how must the old rejoice'. Best update my blog first though eh?

When do I know it's time to update my blog?
When pigs fly out my arse or when fish rule the world? Who knows? .... but at least some people seem to have sussed out what life is all about.

Take our old friend Saddam Hussein for instance. America gets the whole UN jumping up and down making Iraq produce a dossier of all it's weapons of mass destruction. So Saddam produces a 12,000 page document listing not only his 'W of MD' but ALL the major weaons and nuclear help it has ever had, as well as listing all those organisations who offered it help to build those weapons. Suddenly America has had to seize the documents from everyone at the UN and take them away to be censored for "security reasons". The security reasons? OUCH !! Nasty Saddam has revealed that most of those offering help and those willing to supply arms whilst Iraq was under embargo were actually American based , American owned or American controlled companies.
If you want some links to follow the bizarre actions of George Bush shooting himself in the foot then you might want to start with these:-
No proof of weapons of mass destruction
What he HAD, we sold to him
American and British suppliers named
America steals all the copies

The official pantomime season has begun.
George Bush: 'Oh yes he has'
Anyone with more than 6 brain cells :'Oh no he hasn't'
George Bush: 'Oh yes he has'
Anyone with more than 6 brain cells :'Oh no he hasn't'
George Bush: 'Oh yes he has'
Anyone with more than 6 brain cells :'Well if he has you supplied them you pillock'
Homer Simpson (for it is he in reality): Doh !!
Enter Sue Pollard and Giles Brandreth stage left. Both fall in love with George and kick two shades of brown out of each other.
See!!!!! Just can't keep out of trouble can our Bushy. Never mind just throw the kids some sweeties and that'll keep them quiet.

Today's "not quite as stupid as i look" award goes to David Potchen who held up a bank and took it's employees hostage. His demands? Well some fags and hamburgers were about the long and short of it. Poor bloke was depressed, unemployed, about to lose his home and had not eaten for a week. He got 25 years jail for his efforts. That's 25 years of having a roof over his head, being fed and kept warm and dry with access to some of the country's leading psychiatrists and all the free medicines he wants. Ha ha ha , top bloke.

Richard Humphreys got 37 months for suggesting that he might like to see Bush burn. For the record Mr Bush ('cos i know Georgie reads my blog every night before kissing his photo of Tony goodnight) Rags thinks you're a power crazed, bullying war-mongerer and i wouldn't piss on you if you WERE on fire. There, all i have to do now is sit back and wait for my own 25 years of comfort.

While I'm in there I might meet my old neighbour Reg, the agoraphobic psychopath who used to challenge all and sundry in our road to fight him. How those shouts of "Oi you !! Inside ..... NOW !!!!!" ringing out on a cold winter's night used to haunt me.

Anyway it's your turn to make the decisions now. Who's the most stupid? The bloke who thought he'd bought the bones of a unicorn or the New Zealand authorities for having regulations which prohibit the import of unicorn bones ?

Let me know what you decide. Happy reading.

Whatever 'happy' means to you that is.

2002-12-09T22:13:00.000Z

Len Hynds, head of the UK's National Hi-tech Crime Unit, has told a three day conference in London that organised crime is taking an increased grip on the internet.

However Crooks Re-United is a totally legitimate, genuine service run by Barbara Windsor's 'ex' Ronnie Knight. Run by ex-crooks for ex-crooks and there is no risk at all about sending them the subscription fee asked for. Honest guv... would I lie to you?

Cherie Blair , Cherie Blair, everywhere is Cherie Blair. Apparently Cherie has been exposed as being involved with rather a dodgy character. A proven liar. Someone who has made a career out of deceiving people with false claims. A man economical with the truth known to ruthlessly and unashamedly use his charm to hoodwink people. Come on Cherie , isn't it about time you divorced Tony ?

Tomorrow the governent is about to do a "u-turn" on motorways. According to my copy of the Highway Code that's illegal.

It's not all bad news in politics this week though. Gay couples must be celebrating after the Government announced that long term gay and lesbian relationships are to be given legal standing equivalent to married couples. This has nothing to do, of course, with closing the loophole that enabled gay couples living together to claim the single person's 25% discount on their Council Tax payments.

No doubt tomorrow's papers will be full of Noel Gallagher's ex-wife Meg Mathews who has rubbished rumours that the couple are set for a reconciliation. Mathews told Elle magazine: "It's total rubbish. Not a single word of it is true."
In fact since their split, Gallagher has been less than kind about Mathews in interviews, but she has refused to hit back, saying: "There's been plenty of times Noel has said things about me in the papers and I've wanted to say something back, but then I think "no", keep your dignity".
Dignity indeed is something very important to Meg. The 35-year-old is pictured naked except for a pair of fluffy white boots on the cover of the January edition of Elle.

2002-12-08T03:23:00.000Z

We live in enlightened times. It's excellent and uplifting that society accepts people of all faiths, colours, creeds and disabilities. Ralph Herron has no arms or legs (a condition shared by my neighbour Steve). Ralph however has not let his disabilities stop him doing what any other normal able bodied person does. He is currently charged with beating another man to death and dumping his body in a lake.

In fact i saw my neighbour Steve recently waiting at the bus stop. "Hi Steve" i said, "How you getting on today?"

A personalised message to send to all your friends. You simply insert your friends name into the URL and send them the address. It's very positive and uplifting. I, of course, have no friends so i sent it to myself. Well at least one person appreciates me. Okay,I know, you'd sneer if you could muster the energy.

2002-12-07T12:59:00.000Z

People say I should get out more. Well to be more specific, my doctor tells me. I asked him what the point was, apparently it was my injection. So that's one place i'm not going again in a hurry. Some help eh? Doctors ....who needs them?
So i've decided to find myself a girlfriend. Someone who doesn't mind not going out much. Certainly not one of those 'outdoor' type of girls.This seems like a good place to start looking.

It would seem I'm not the only person looking for love though. Peter Pan is still looking for his Tinkerbell. Perhaps he should give Tokuko Wakamatsu a ring since she is obviously now single.

Tom has also learned the hard way that it's probably not a good idea to upset your partner too much. Especially if she has pictures of you wearing her underwear and access to the internet,

Just been reading about the dangers of 'passive smoking'. Apparently sitting in a room of smokers for 10 minutes is the same as smoking a fag of your own. Huh ??? You bloody freeloaders ! Go and buy your own like I have to. I'll tell you the real danger of passive smoking. The danger is that if you don't stop smoking my fags for free I'll come over and ask you to pay for the privilege.
I should probably quit smoking but with modern medicine continuing to make great strides forwards it will only be a few years before having a lung transplant is something you end up nipping out for in your lunch hour.
Not that I want to trivialise what is a serious subject. I fully understand the unpleasantness of going through a lung tranplant operation. I mean, fancy having to cough up SOMEONE ELSE'S phlegm for the first couple of days !!

As if it's not bad enough people smoking your fags for free, without you knowing, some think it's funny to drink your last beer. Let this be a lesson to you.
Though whilst i could probably risk a bullet in the head as the price of a beer i couldn't afford £40 for the worlds most expensive cocktail.

Tonight though i shall sleep a little easier knowing that at least 1 in 5000 people doesn't spend their entire lives talking out of their arse.

2002-12-06T23:01:00.000Z

John Prescott was shopping in Harrods, or rather, 'browsing'. One of the sales staff tipped off Mohamed Al Fayed who decided 'I would wander over and explain politely exactly what I thought of him, but he saw me approaching and turned and left quickly'
So what exactly would Al Fayed have said to John Boy?
'I'd have told him what a fúcking shít he is and that I wouldn't give him a job as a doorman. He's a hypocrite'.

Now I'm no fan of Prescott recently but the words 'pot, kettle and black ' do tend to spring to mind when Mohammed starts mentioning hypocrites.
Al Fayed claims he came from an old family of cotton traders, but actually is the son of a poor school teacher. Is there anything wrong with being the son of a poor school teacher? Absolutely not.... but people who deny and overstate their roots to impress people shouldn't then go round saying things like 'I can still hear the prejudice, the racists at the core of the upper class. They call themselves the so-called Establishment'.

Another Al Fayed quote ..... 'In recent years I have suffered a campaign of vilification, lies, smears and innuendo in certain sections of the British press.' Mr Fayed claims to have been born in 1933. Ibrahim El Araby Abou Hammed, a former classmate who says he has known Fayed since they were seven in the Gomrok. disputes this. 'He is one week older than I am,' says El Araby, who was born in 1929.

One of Mr Fayed's passions is helping the homeless, and indeed he has donated millions over the years to homeless charities. ''I will continue to distribute blankets, sleeping bags, warm clothing and food on a regular basis, in the hope that my modest efforts will give some comfort to those people we are able help. I have no doubt that if sufficient people make enough noise about this dreadful state of affairs - something will eventually get done." Mr Fayed's building at 60 Park Lane contains 50 apartments, which he uses for his family, staff, and guests. He also owns the adjoining No.55, consisting of apartments for rent, as well as a building around the corner on South Street. (All three buildings are connected to the Dorchester Hotel - which Fayed purchased for the Sultan of Brunei-by a series of secret passageways). He also owns a country house in Oxted, where his family lives, and a castle in Scotland.

Fayed's life story is right out of Aladdin. The characters include global fixers and dealers who think nothing of trying to destabilize countries, seduce the world's wealthiest man, sue whomever whenever, buy the press, and wage private wars. It takes place in the habitat of the offshore superrich, complete with yachts and jets, where friends become enemies, enemies become friends, and the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Truth here is rather like a Platonic ideal - it must remain an abstraction.

But perhaps Al Fayed's worst 'crime' occured on January 29 1985. Fayed accompanied the Sultan of Brunei to 10 Downing Street to visit Margaret Thatcher. The pound at that time was in drastic decline, threatening the economy, and the sultan, who had moved £5 billion of assets out of sterling, kindly did Britain a grand favour. He moved it back in. Fayed has taken credit for the assist and also for persuading the sultan to give British defense industries a half -billion pounds in contracts. The 'Establishment' should be grateful, the working man mortified. Yet, perhaps not surprisingly in the 'Mohammed Al Fayed wonderful world of contradictions' it is at grass roots level where he finds his greatest support and feels most at home.
"Nobody quite accepts him," admits a friend of his, former Daily Express executive editor Alan Frame. 'We're still a class-ridden society. He sponsors lots of things involving the royal family, and he's still not accepted.'. (subtley Al Fayed refers constantly to Prince Philip as a 'Nazi sympathizer.'.

Other interesting facts ......

Born Mohamed Fayed he added the prefix 'Al' in the mid-seventies.

In Haiti in the mid 60's he introduced himself as Sheikh Mohamed Fayed, (.............says Luckner Cambronne, Papa Doc Duvalier's former right-hand man).

Mr Al Fayed has a phobia about germs and cleanliness.

Fayed has a personal security staff of 38 , and wears only clip-on ties so that he cannot be strangled,

He does not abide smoking. Revlon chairman Ronald Perelman showed up to meet Fayed in his office several years ago with his trademark cigar stuck between his teeth. According to an observer, before Fayed shook hands or said a word to Perelman, he yanked the cigar out of his mouth and threw it against the wall.

If you read his own website www.alfayed.com then you will learn of some of the tremendously deserving causes that Mr Fayed supports, and also of some of the dreadful wrongs he has been done by British Society. It's almost tempting to feel sympathy for the man, but he who lives by the sword, dies by the sword . Mr Fayed's record is hardly one of innocence and for every terrible injustice committed against him there is an equivalent one somewhere perputrated in his name.

It is easy to understand Mr Al Fayed's anger and disgust at the treatment he receives, what is more difficult is to feel any sympathy for him.

2002-12-05T11:54:00.000Z

Everywhere i go i hear people moaning and complaining. Long faces abound and no-one has a cheerful or positive word to say about anything. Miserable, wretched, forlorn people trudge to and from work beneath grey skies. Well Rags says "People need to smile a bit more and be more enthusiatic, cheer up and stop whinging so much "... that's MY job, leave it alone.

My doctor says i'm unstable and imbalanced. I thought this might be due to my traumatic childhood leaving me mentally scarred or because of the horrific "tinned tomatoes incident" when i was ten. Perhaps it was the bullying at school (and work !) that made me that way or the disappointments of life that seem to constantly block my path. Maybe it's just something dark and unexplainable that has lurked inside me for years, a dark cloud that will always hang over me in the same way that your shadow never leaves.
Apparently not, what he was trying to say was that i have one leg shorter than the other.

Society says : 'You shouldn't mock the afflicted'
Rags says : 'What other purpose do they serve?'

Someone had a great idea and said 'why not put a counter on your blog to keep track of the number of people who visit?' , so i did. Then i realised that this was the same person who suggested i buy an answering machine to catch all the calls i was missing. Except the answering machine never recorded a single message.
So there went the fantasy that everytime i left the house i suddenly became very popular and dozens of people were ringing me up , only to be distraught that i wasn't there.

Rags says : 'Answering machines are the devil's tool.'

At least the counter seems to be working though. Twenty-nine times i've logged into this blog today and every single time the counter has shown one more person visiting. So to my 29 happy readers i say ................ '........why ? '.

The lovely Annabeth offers, amongst other things online tarot readings These are probably as accurate as the real thing , but cheaper.

A few years ago myself and 'top bloke' Fat Buddha marvelled at the ingenuity of a on-line Scalextric game which allowed you to build your own track. It would seem we weren't the only ones as there is now a similiar English language version called Rally Trophy. The beauty of this version is that it allows you to race against a friend. Hmmmmm , I had a friend once... perhaps they do come in useful after all.

Now i remember why my 'friend' went off me ....The Five Finger Fillet !! Once you've mastered it online try it down the pub ... especially when drunk. it makes for a night to remember. Always get a job as a shorthand typist if push comes to shove.

Heaven or Hell ? I was never in much doubt about this one. I've never heard any evidence to prove that heaven exists outside of man's own wishful thinking. In contrast the entrances to hell are there for all to see.

2002-12-04T23:31:00.000Z

Oh well, here's goes nothing.
I'm not sure how significant the first post on a new Blog actually is when you measure it in terms of world events, but after spending at least a couple of hours designing and setting the whole thing up it almost feels as if a long journey's destination has been reached. In fact though this should be a beginning rather than an end.
What the caterpillar sees as death , the butterfly sees as birth.
Actually it will probably end up being as significant as your youngest child accidentally running through the fresh cement you've just put down. Signifcant at the time, but easily smoothed over.

I'm not exactly sure what you will find here, or indeed what you hope to find. Certainly it's unlikely to reveal any of the innermost parts of my psyche, or the deeper reaches of my mind since my own psychological make-up isn't something i've yet manage to come to terms with. Last time i looked 'deep inside myself' it frightened me so much i haven't ever dared go there again. That was when i was twelve. Maybe Eels summed it up best :

Life is hard and so am I
you better give me something
so I dont die
Novocaine for the soul
before I sputter out
The daily likes and dislikes over on the left are about as close you'll get on here as to what my mood is or how i spent my day.... i'm not up to thinking that hard about where my life has gone and where it's going. One day at a time is about the maximum I can manage.

Talking of 'one day at a time' tomorrow's papers will no doubt be full of stories about Robbie Williams new tattoo. I'm amazed anyone actually cares but in the interests of topicality here's a sneak preview

Presumably Robbie paid a fortune for his tattoo, but Niki Passath would have volunteered to do it for free instead of having to test his tattooing robot out on himself.

But despite the two valiant efforts above today's 'man with a point to prove' award goes to Dane Banovic 35 years after burning down his own house.

Goodnight